June 8, 2012
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Responsibility
There is that moment when an online class begins, same as any other class. One sits down before the computer, reviews the day’s lesson, and scans over the chatter of the students. Class time arrives, and the class begins.
Suddenly, I realize I’m the teacher.
When I taught for the first time on Wednesday, it was very surreal. The same introduction that had always come from a position of authority and the polished, crafted explanations. Being the authority was entirely strange. For a moment, it felt very very strange. The students were all there, watching for my words. Why am I the authority now?
And then class went on, and things were ok again.
Having students is the sort of thing that leaves no question and no room for compromise. If I have homework, it’s easy to put it off or to accept a lower grade for a lesser amount of effort. Sometimes, that even seems acceptable to me. But it’s entirely unacceptable to go into a lesson ill-prepared, or to have a fuzzy understanding of a problem that I’m to explain. Maybe that’s how responsibility actually works, that I’m in a position where doing poorly would compromise not myself, but someone else’s understanding of a topic. That’s something I haven’t the right to decide.
Tonight was my second class, and the great and might AoPS administrators let me teach the first week of a course this time. That was very scary, but it went over well enough. I very much wanted time to review the script, so that I’d be familiar with the problems before the class started. I hope it stays as scary as it is. Even if it isn’t the friendliest feeling in the world, it’s useful to have some external pressure to prepare for class beforehand.
