April 15, 2012

• On the Strange Obsession with "Cheating"

  As far as I can tell, Datingish is a spin-off of Xanga that focuses on dating questions. It is one site that feeds into the thing that suggest stories for me to read. Frequently, is comes up with people wondering whether something is acceptable (porn, cyber sex, etc.), or whether something is "cheating" in a relationship.

  It makes me want to say, who cares? Who cares what a mass poll says about what is "cheating" and what isn't? That's just like wondering what kind of food you like, and going to a blog and posting, "is French food better than Mexican?"

  But that's not how it works! You don't know until you go and try French food and Mexican food, and see how you yourself feel about them. Even if 90% of people prefer French food, that doesn't mean you have to like it better. Even if 99% of people say kissing other people is "cheating", that doesn't mean you have to snub your nose at it and say in indignant tones, "that's immoral!" Even if all your friends make fun of Justin Bieber, that doesn't mean it's bad to like his music.

  What I want to know is, your significant other is doing this action. How does it make you feel?

  If it makes you feel bad or disrespected or uncomfortable, then it doesn't matter if a hundred people say, that's not cheating, people do it all the time. It bothers you, and that's all the reason you need to bring it up. Discuss it with your significant other(s) and try to work out a solution. Maybe your partner(s) will say, "why is this an issue? Everyone else is fine with it!" But that's not an excuse, because relationships are all different.

  And if it doesn't bother you? No one in the world can tell you that it should. If your significant other can kiss, touch, and sleep with other people, and it doesn't bother you, then why make yourself bothered by it? There's no reason every relationship has to have the same traditions and the same taboos. To me, "everyone else says sex with other people is cheating, so we have to treat it as a bad thing" sounds exactly the same as "everyone else says French food is better than Mexican, so we have to like French food better." Sure, it's bad for most relationships. But it's not bad for mine, and it doesn't have to be for yours.

  That's up to you to decide. It doesn't matter how a hundred other people feel. How do you feel about it, and how do(es) your partner(s) feel about it? It's between you and your partner(s), and those are the opinions that matter in your relationship.

  • 10:55 pm
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