July 1, 2010

  • Experiment Part 1

    Ahhhhh I need to go on a rant, for the sake of posterity, should things change.

    Every time I have an argument with someone over religion, it always reaches a point where I say something like, I'm incapable of believing X without evidence, and my opponent says something like, I personally feel it to be true, and then we're stuck, and neither of us can change the beliefs of the other. But I have been told that if I read the book of Mormon, and pray and ask the Mormon god if it's true, then I'll receive an answer. I've been told this time and time again, by every single Mormon with whom I've had discourse on religion. And they always seem so certain that if I follow said instructions, I'll come out of it believing in it.

    Each time, my first impulse is to read the thing just to prove my opponent wrong. My second impulse is, that's no way to run an experiment. One cannot try something with one's mind closed off to a hypothesis; that would run counter to the scientific method. So sometime around 1.5 < t < 2 years ago, I first promised a dear friend that I would read it with an open mind. And now, I am in a predominantly Mormon city, in possession of a copy of that book, and it is summer. If I ever try, it might as well be now.

    So here I am. Of course I believe one outcome is more likely, but I won't read it to myself in a sarcastic tone or anything like that. Also, I'm supposed to pray. I cannot honestly pray to an entity that I don't believe exists, and I'm not going to start the whole thing off by pretending I believe something that I don't. So to remain, at least technically, honest with myself, I will imagine a god-character, and imagine that I am talking with this character.

    Every experiment needs a control case. I've chosen the math text Putnam and Beyond to be my control text, in that it is the most neutral thing I can find. It is fitting because it also has some kind of claim to the fundamental workings of the universe through mathematics, and it is neutral because it is purely logical and indifferent towards "spirituality" or "religion" or any of that. Therefore, it should not affect my views on the experimental case at all. After reading it, I will imagine the character of a great mathematician, and then I will hold discourse about math problems with this character.

    But in many ways, it is not a perfect control. For one, I believe it to be a reliable source of information, and I know that I will find its claims valid. Books of math proofs are like that. Nor will any other scientific text be better in that sense, for I already find scientific claims and scientific evidence valid. In that sense, perhaps it is better to choose a work of fantasy, except that is bad in the opposite way. I believe fantasy works to be false beforehand, and since they don't even claim to be truthful, I cannot consider them sincerely. Another possibility that I considered was a different religious text. However, that is another experimental case, not a control at all, and I would be unable to gauge how convincing I found either one without something I found familiar as a standard of comparison. Furthermore, religious texts are mutually exclusive, and two conflicting texts are pretty likely to mutually ruin both experimental cases.

    Therefore, I decided a math/science text would be optimal. I'd be able to compare my feelings on the book of Mormon to my conviction of mathematical/scientific fact, and such a text would offer no opinions or commentary of any type, outside of statement and proof. I was also considering a historical text at some point, but decided in favor of math/science because historical texts can touch on religious issues, and also present the opinions of historical figures. Also, I am not entirely certain how the human brain reacts to being presented the same stimulus repeatedly over a long period of time. The control case also serves to break apart a continuum of the same message, so that my results will be beliefs that I arrive at myself, instead of beliefs that are hammered in by repetition.

    This will go on for as long as I think I might have something to gain from continuing. I can only say it will be probably more than a week and probably less than five years. Probably. If I pick up the book tomorrow and find a chapter on selling daughters and slaves as though they were farm animals, or a chapter on building a temple with acacia wood and gold and robes of a precise thread type and color, then that book and I will be through.

    In some part of my mind, I see the conviction of my peers, and I begin to worry that I might really end up believing this stuff. They tell me of ardent atheists who end up baptized, and it scares me. (No scientist would ever be content with themselves if they were to refuse a test for fear of the results.) I am most frightened that by the end of it, I will no longer see the world through a lens of reason, the way I do now.

    It's kind of hard to read it with all these voices tugging at me, the one saying, quit being so skeptical! You swore to keep your mind open! And the other saying, OMG was that a shift in your mind? Are you starting to believe it?

    I am keeping my mind open and all that. Don't anyone try to say that I didn't try hard enough, or I was too skeptical, or anything like that. Don't anyone think that this is all just for show, to prove others wrong. I'd like that very much, the proving others wrong part. But I would not waste my time on fake tests and fake experiments.

    I'm getting too sleepy to keep typing. Maybe I might update this tomorrow, or else I'll just leave it. I'm not sure what I said, but it was probably the gist of everything.