August 3, 2009
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Poke a Sleeping Dragon in the Eye
Around 15:30, Anaximander went to take a nap. He told the protagonist to wake him up by 17:00, said good night, and left. When one is sleepy, any time is night. Even, apparently, bright sunny midafternoon.
So 17:00 rolls around. It takes the protagonist a full five minutes to wake Anaximander. First, knocking on his door in random primes, then, a couple of unanswered phone calls, and finally, insistent knocking on the door in Fibonacci sequence. It got up to 13. At last, without getting out of bed, Anaximander pulls the door open.
Anaximander: “What do you want?”
Protagonist: “It’s morning. It’s time to wake up.”Whenever someone is supposed to unwillingly wake up, that is morning. Even, apparently, bright sunny midafternoon. So Anaximander looks groggily at his sundial, rolls over, and pulls the blanket over his head.
Protagonist: “Do you want to hit snooze? Should I come back in nine minutes?”
Anaximander: “That would be excellent.”So nine minutes later, a very frightened Protagonist found herself again rapping on Anaximander’s door in Fibonacci sequence. It was harder this time. It had gotten as far as 21 by the time Anaximander answered the door. He was out of bed this time with a sheet draped cape-style over his back.
Protagonist: “Trying to wake you up is like poking a sleeping dragon in the eye.”
Anaximander (pondering): “Yes. I am like a dragon. I do not like being poked in the eye. . . and I can go GRARGHH!”Suddenly, Anaximader leaps out of his room, fangs and claws barred, bloodshot-eyes opened wide, sheet-cape flying, and howling. A startled protagonist yelps and jumps back into the wall. But it was too late, for in one giant gulp, the dragon had eaten the protagonist as easily as eating a raven (events not to scale).
No, there will never be a rap-rap-rapping, another protagonist tap-tap-tapping on Anaximander’s door, nevermore.
Update: So I lied. The protagonist was forced to wake Anax again this morning, only this time, it was much much harder. For half an hour, Anax ignored his phone calls, and he managed to ignore stretches of several minutes each where two of us pounded simultaneously on his door, so that we didn’t think he was in there at all. In the end, it took two of us in the next room pounding on the walls, plus another two of us pounding on the door, before Anax, fangs, claws, and all, got out of bed. August 4, 2009.
Update: Here we are again. The protagonist was again charged with waking Anax this morning. She recruited a couple of students, sent them into her room, and told them to pound on the wall. This was the wall between the protagonist’s room and Anax’s room. Meanwhile, she pounded on Anax’s door. Surprisingly, he answered the door fairly quickly. Unsurprisingly, he just went back to sleep. After twenty minutes had elapsed, a suspicious protagonist woke Anaximander for the second time. He insisted he would actually get up this time. He seemed affronted by the protagonist’s mistrust. August 5, 2009.
